When the End is Not In Sight

Putain de merde, I’ve been gone for a long time. It seems like everything I post now starts with a disclaimer along the lines of “Sorry it’s been so long since my last post, but I promise I’ll post more regularly from now on”. It’s been pretty much a full month since I last had any activity in the blogosphere. I’ve seen this happen before, to other blogs, bloggers, and YouTubers across the internet. This is how a blog starts to die.

Worry not, I’m raging against the dying of the light. I love this blog. Sometimes it feels like it’s the only thing that keeps my head level. But life, being what it is, gets in the way, and shit has just gotten really, really crazy.

Well, okay, maybe not so much. I look at the amount of work I have, in comparison with workloads I’ve handled in the past, and it doesn’t really seem like all that much. I should be able to handle it. But I’m in a funk of late, retreating to a bit of a dark place. Nothing bad, nothing dangerous, just the sort of withdrawal from reality that we all must undergo from time to time. I’ve been making the sorts of big mistakes that will doubtless prove to have been lifelong lessons somewhere further down the line. Deadlines are looming, work is not getting done, and in this great sea of troubles, Tarot has taken a backseat.

Artist’s rendering of my current inner state.

I’ll get through it. All will be summer and roses once more, but for now, there’s no end in sight. So I beg your forgiveness, and hope it’s okay with you if the blog enters into a bit of a hibernation period. I don’t want it to, and I really, really will try to post regularly, because I love this blog and I love Tarot and I really don’t have enough of either in my life at the moment. But, as Sartre the Great and Powerful would have us know, one can’t hold one’s future self to a commitment made in the present. Inductive reasoning leads me to believe that it’s unlikely I’m going to keep up with my weekly posting schedule.

(Interestingly enough, this state of mind appears to be a seasonal thing for me. I made a similar post about this time last year.)

At some point, I’d like to revisit the problem of free will and determinism that I brought up previously, and examine it in light of Aristotle’s conditions for voluntary action in the Nicomachean Ethics. I’d also like to write about the relationships between the High Priestess, the Hierophant, and the Magician. Potentially, there’s a post in the works about the way I bridge the Major Arcana with the Neo-Pagan Wheel of the Year. So you can see, I really do have great things on the docket. I just need to get around to making them happen.

I leave you with a reading that I did for myself today. The question: “What the hell is going on with my life right now?” The answer: a lot of wordless screaming. The spread is one of my own, based on the principles of early Freudian and Jungian psychoanalysis. (I should write a post about it at some point. I thought I had already, but I can’t seem to find it.) I won’t bother to interpret it, although you’re welcome to do so if you like. The message of general chaos and imbalance comes across clearly enough, methinks.


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